Don't step on that fish
by bloodyXwhiteXrabbit
Summary: A little story of Castiel before the events of supernatural. What caused him to be so special and rebellious? And who helped him? Spoilers for season 7


**A/N: **My first supernatural fic :) I love the angels, Cas and Gabriel especially... but my favourite among the angels in mythology is and always will be Chamuel, so I had to include him somehow :P

* * *

"Don't step on that fish boy!"

Startled, a little boy quickly stepped away from the grey little fish that was about to heave itself out of the sea…

Brown hair framed the chubby face and shining blue eyes looked up at the man that had yelled at him.  
Folding his wings around his short body protectively, the angel blushed and took yet another step away from the fish.

The man with huge, elegant wings, smiled down at him and calmly walked over to the boy, gently tousling the brown hair.  
Long, straight, blond hair fell over the man's shoulder and gave him a very feminine appearance.  
His face was soft and the bright colour of his pink eyes made his skin look even paler than it was.  
Strangely, the man was smiling, something Angels barely ever did, and it was so warm and full of love that it was disarming.

"B- brother Chamuel…" the boy stuttered.

"Don't worry Castiel, I am not mad."

A sigh of relieve left the little boy and he dared to look straight into the pink eyes.

"Did I do something wrong? I mean… fish belong to the sea, right? This one was stepping out of line, and father always punishes the angels that step out of line…"

Chamuel cocked his head to the side and studied the fish, who was steadily gaining strength and without any visible purpose, crawling towards an imaginary goal.

"Well, Castiel, Father's will is complex and hard to understand, but you are right, he does punish the ones who step out of line… however, are you god?"

Castiel quickly shook his head, not even imagining the arrogance to think of such a thing.

"So if you are not god, why would you be acting in his stead?"

"I-I…" Castiel realized that he had no answer to that.

"Look, maybe the fish stepped out of line, but that is what father allowed. He is not against evolution or progress… and this little fish is the beginning of something very important, especially for you."

"Why?"

Again, Chamuel tousled the boy's hair and chuckled.

"You will see, you will, just like the fish, land in dry land and will have to gasp for air. Would you want to be stepped on then?  
Or would you rather have souls around you that will help you, lift you up?"

"Brother Chamuel, your words do not make any sense. I am an angel and I will serve father in heaven, why would a fish be of importance to me?"

Sighing, Chamuel drew back his hand and turned around.

"Just don't step on the fish, okay? Watch it, study its future and you will find out what I meant."

For a moment, Castiel thought over the words his older brother had said to him.  
People who would help him… support him? a lesser angel?

That was strange and unthinkable…

That would be impossible…

That would be… kind of nice…

"Brother!"

Chamuel stopped to look over his shoulder, slightly bending his wings so that he could look at Castiel.

"How do you know all that?"

"Because you are searching for something like that, right?  
And I know everything about things lost and meant to be found, and you will find these souls… just please don't lose them.  
But if you do, believe me, they will find you again, no matter what."

Did he search for that, Castiel wondered, watching the archangel leave.  
Did he?

* * *

Raphael's fist hit the golden table, shaking the whole room and startling Ariel, a little angel, awake.

"What the… ?!" the angel shrieked, glaring at Raphael.

"Calm down, brother… Michael is stubborn, you know that…" Chamuel tried to calm his brother down, but the furious Angel scoffed and shook off the hand on his shoulder.

"It's not only about Michael!"

"Raphael."

Suddenly, the room was silent, and all eyes rested on a figure, dressed in dark linen, standing in the doorway.

"Calm yourself, rage and wrath are not befitting an angel of your status. Do you want to be punished?"

"Samael!" Gabriel chuckled nervously "What brings you here?"

"Raphael's tantrum…"

But Raphael, Ariel and almost all of the other angels had already left the room, leaving only Samael, Gabriel and Chamuel behind.

"Is that all?" Chamuel asked, smiling softly.

"No, I just needed to get the buffoon out of the room. I am here because of the little incident earlier."

Confused, Gabriel looked at the two angels and shrugged, deciding that he had nothing to do with it, but listening to a fight was almost more entertaining than to cause it.

"What incident?" Chamuel asked, knowing well enough which incident Samael was referring to.

"Father sent me, the angel Castiel has acted against his orders."

Chamuel shrugged.

"Haven't we all?"

"Have you?" Samael asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, I have and God knows. So what? I learned from my mistake and he has too."

"He almost destroyed – "

"The fish that will be father's new toy, I know… I stopped him, okay?"

"Do you know what that act of violence even means?"

"Oh come on" Gabriel interrupted "I would have stepped on that fish if I didn't know its future… no biggie"

"No biggie? That angel rebelled, acted and felt superior to our father… he is a risk that has to be discarded."

"Samael" Chamuel calmly said, raising his arms a bit "You have talked to father about this?"

"I just said he sent – "

"Has he?" Gabriel wondered, crossing his arms.

"He – "

"Brother, I doubt father would want you to kill him… this is Castiel we are talking about, you know that father still has plans for him."

"Why?" Samael hissed through gritted teeth.

"Why such a low angel like him?!"

"So that's where the order came from? Jealousy, not befitting an Angel like yourself, right?" Gabriel grinned at him and watched Chamuel frown.

"Brother, you… you act against father."

A strong wind blew through the room, and suddenly, a tall, muscular man with golden locks stood behind Samael, towering over the smaller angel.

"Michael…" Samael said, closing his eyes.

"And you shall be punished, brother."

In the blink of an eye, the two were gone, and Gabriel looked at Chamuel who looked utterly defeated.  
Among all of the angels, there weren't many who were able to show emotions or even had them, but Chamuel and Gabriel were blessed and cursed with said ability…

"I didn't mean for this to happen" Chamuel said, closing his eyes remorsefully.

* * *

"Brother Chamuel?"

Snapping out of his thoughts, Chamuel blinked and saw that the group of young angels sitting in front of him.  
One hand was raised and he had to smile when he recognized the blue eyes.

"Yes, Castiel?"

"Why isn't Brother Samael teaching today's lesson?"

Feeling his stomach turn, Chamuel bit his lip before answering.

"He has been ordered to speak to the lord, now please return to your book and read it out aloud, what do we know of the laws and orders the lord has given us?"

For a moment, Castiel looked down at the pages, but he didn't read it aloud, instead, he raised his head again.

"Brother, where is god?"

"He is everywhere and nowhere, Castiel, now please read."

"How does he talk to us then? I have never heard him…"

Now other young angels started to either stare at Castiel or began to whisper behind their books.

"Castiel, please read."

"But – "

"Look, he – "

Suddenly, he stopped.  
A sharp pain started in his heart and head.  
Something had been torn inside of Chamuel's heart, though he had no soul, he had felt something die inside of him.

"Bro – "

A loud scream interrupted Castiel.

It was so loud that the angels had to cover their ears, but Chamuel didn't.  
He stared at the clouds that were turning black, and the bells of god's throne room began to chime.  
Some of the angels whined and cried in pain, not Chamuel. He noticed that the room had began to shake, but he didn't care.  
The scream hadn't stopped, and now Chamuel saw something inside of the black clouds…  
An angel had fallen…

A brother had been cast away, never to return.  
And it was only the beginning.  
Surprised, Chamuel realized that deep inside, he knew that war was bound to come.

And then, just as sudden as it had started, the scream vanished and the sky cleared up again.

Unsettled, the angels looked up at the archangel, who still stared out of the window.

They hadn't felt it, he thought.  
They hadn't been close enough to the fallen angel…

Slowly, he turned his head and studied the young angels, waiting for his order.

"Class dismissed, and for all who still dare to doubt god's existence… that was his doing. And if you ever dare to doubt again, this is what will happen to you."

Without another word, Chamuel left the room.

Outside, he wanted to gasp for air, sob and cry or simply yell at someone, but he couldn't.

God had tightened the leash once again, and their freedom had been reduced to nothing at all.  
Whenever an angel as much as dared to think of doubting the lord, all of the angels had to suffer for it. Once there had been a time where the angels were relatively free, they could give input and request things from their father, but now they were merely soldiers, and even the calming smile had been wiped off Chamuel's face.

But there was still one thing left to do before he became one of god's obedient little lambs.

* * *

"Castiel."

Surprised, Castiel looked up from the book he was reading and turned his head to see Chamuel walking in.  
Somehow, the angel was different, he thought, colder.

"Yes, brother Chamuel?"

Almost mechanically, Chamuel sat down on a chair next to Castiel.

"I need to talk to you."

Castiel nodded and closed the book.

"You may have noticed a sudden change in the atmosphere up here, right?"

Again, the boy nodded.

"Do you feel different?"

Silently, Castiel shook his head.

"I suspected as much, but Castiel, you need to listen very carefully now."

When Castiel's eyes focused on Chamuel's, an almost invisible smile spread on the older angel's lips.

"Good. I know that you ask a lot, Castiel. You are not an obedient soldier like the other angels, and you are not meant to be one, but as long as Raphael and Michael are still here, you will have to act that way."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that you will have to swallow your inner rebel and act completely normal.  
Don't ask, just do what you are told, if you don't you will be cast out of heaven and down to earth, with nothing at all.  
I can't help you with that, after tomorrow, you will be nothing but a lowly angel to me – "

"What?!" Castiel gasped.

"I don't want that!"

"I know, I don't want it either, but father wants it this way and I will not rebel.  
I just wanted to tell you that you should give away all of your doubt.  
Simply do, don't think.  
Lock away this behaviour and forget all about it.  
If you don't, you will never meet the souls I have told you about."

"But I …"

"No but" Chamuel said, gently reaching for Castiel's forehead.

"Now sleep."

Slowly, Castiel opened his eyes.  
Had he been sleeping?

No.

Water pulled him down and he only caught a glimpse of the black shadows, spreading through the water.  
If he had had the strength, Castiel would have chuckled at the thought of Chamuel scolding him for almost stepping on the fish.  
He had felt superior and he had even lived it for a moment…  
That moment had been the first to determine his whole life, and he had wasted it…

Another wave of sleep dared to take him over…

Would god save him again?

He doubted it.

Would he ever see Dean and Sam again?

He doubted it.

* * *

It was something Emanuel had never seen before, yet it seemed rather familiar.  
Blood was dripping from the blade and the man who had stabbed the creature with the messed up face, watched the body tumble down the stairs.  
Something inside Emanuel reacted to that man.  
It was the way his eyes were cold, even in this situation, and he knew that this stranger had killed many times before.  
But despite that feeling… Emanuel felt at peace.  
He knew that it had been the right thing to do.  
And when the stranger finally looked at him, Emanuel froze.  
In the blue eyes of the stranger he saw recognition.  
The stranger knew him… and he knew the man and strangely, he felt happy to see him, it was as if he had found a brother.  
But all that was in his head was the one sentence.  
It was banging against his skull, urging his tongue to spell it out… but he held it back.

_'I am sorry… please forgive me.'_

He didn't speak the words that he wanted to say so badly.  
Then, another voice was in his head, one of the voices that he had been hearing for some time now.  
Whispers, telling him what to do.  
He couldn't tell whether it was one voice or a million…

'He found you.'


End file.
